"The funniest, best-written Canadian musical comedy I have ever seen."-- Kitchener Waterloo Record

 
Cast of the Thousand Islands Playhouse production of THE LAST RESORT. Standing L. to R. Neil Foster, John Devorski, Karen Skidmore, Avery Saltzman, Charlotte Moore. Front L. to R. Larry Herbert, Deann deGruijter. 1997. Photo by Dan Pritchard.


The Last Resort is a madcap, off-the-wall, murder mystery musical comedy with book by Norm Foster and music and lyrics by Leslie Arden. In the following scene, a body has been found lying at the bottom of the resort's elevator shaft. Freda Heitz, the proprietress of The Last Resort, has phoned for the police.


(INSPECTOR KENNETH CLOSELY ENTERS U.C.. HE IS DRESSED IN A THREE QUARTER LENGTH JACKET OR BOMBER JACKET. SOMETHING A PERSON OF THE WOODS MIGHT WEAR. HE WALKS DOWN TO THE FRONT DESK SLOWLY AND RINGS THE BELL. INSTEAD OF A RING WE HEAR BLOODHOUNDS BARKING. FREDA HEITZ ENTERS FROM S.L. AND STANDS BEHIND THE DESK. CLOSELY DOESN'T SEE HER AS HE TURNS TO RING THE BELL AGAIN. WHEN HE DOES SEE HER STANDING THERE, HE IS GIVEN A START.)
 
FREDA: Yes?
CLOSELY: Yes, you called about a death?
FREDA: Oh, yes, I did, yes.
CLOSELY: A young woman?
FREDA: Yes.
CLOSELY: Inspector Closely.
FREDA: I certainly did. She's dead alright.
CLOSELY: No. Me. I'm Inspector Kenneth Closely. From the police.
FREDA: Oh, of course. The RCMP?
CLOSELY: Well, I'm with the RCMP but I'm attached to the local force right now. I'm wearing two caps you might say.
  (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC STING. THE INSPECTOR LOOKS AT THE PIANO.)
  Now, about the young woman. When did she die?
LIZ: Right before intermission.
FREDA: No, actually, it was right after.
CLOSELY: Hm-hmm. And how was she murdered?
FREDA: Well, we're not sure it was murder, Inspector.
CLOSELY: I'll be the judge of that, madam. After all, I've got years of sleuthing experience under my belt and if there's one thing I do know, it's that nothing is ever as cut and dried as it may appear. Well, outside of hemp of course. No, I go into every new situation fully prepared for the unexpected. Preparedness, my good woman. That is the key. Borrow a pen?
FREDA: Certainly. (SHE HANDS HIM A PEN FROM THE DESK.)
CLOSELY: Thank you. Now, what kind of weapon was used? Gun? Knife?
FREDA: There was no weapon. She fell down the elevator shaft.
CLOSELY: And who found her?
FREDA: The young lady's twin sister. Julia. Right there.
CLOSELY: (WRITING) A twin, eh? Well, that's interesting. Not very often I run across a mysterious murder on a stormy night where twins are involved. Is one of them evil?
FREDA: The dead one, yes.
CLOSELY: Hm-hmm. All right then, madam, let's have a look at the body.
FREDA: Inspector, please!
CLOSELY: The dead one. I would like to see from whence she fell.
FREDA: Oh, of course. Right this way.
  (THEY START FOR THE STAIRS L.)
  Oh, by the way, Inspector, I'm Freda Heitz.
CLOSELY: Well, maybe you'd like to wait down here then. (HE EXITS UP THE STAIRS L..)
 
Copyright 1997 Norm Foster
 

 

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