"A fun-filled, fast-paced, thoroughly joyful celebration of the special bonds of friendship" -- Morrisburg Leader

 

Sharon Heldt, Melanie Janzen, Leah Oster and Jane Spence in the Upper Canada Playhouse production of The Ladies Foursome. 2014


  Four unforgettable women share the fairways and sand traps of friendship. You’ll never experience a round of golf quite like this one as anything and everyone is fair game when these remarkable women "tee-off” on life, love, men, sex, children, careers.

 
Tate: What happened to Connie? I thought she was right behind us.
Margot: She stopped to talk to the cart kid.
Tate: The cart kid? The kid who brings the carts around?
Margot: Right. The cart kid.
Tate: Why is she talking to him? We're not getting carts.
Margot: I don't think she's talking to him about carts.
Tate: Oh, no. Really? Is there anybody she won't flirt with?
Margot: Oh, Tate, let her go. It makes her feel good. Makes her feel desirable.
Tate: Well, I think it's embarrassing. A woman her age.
Margot: She's my age.
Tate: Exactly. And where the heck is Dory? Our tee time is eight-forty. I don't like people who are late. It's like they think their time is more valuable than mine.
Margot: She's not late. She's got nine minutes yet. And why are you being so judgemental this morning?
Tate: What do you mean judgemental?
Margot: My drinking, Connie's flirting, Dory's almost lateness.
Tate: I don't know. I guess the funeral yesterday has me re-evaluating things.
Margot: What things?
Tate: My life. Our lives.
Margot: You've got a great life.
Tate: All right, your lives. I mean, didn't Catherine's death make you think?
Margot: Sure it did.
Tate: And what did it make you think about? Did it make you think about not taking life for granted? About living each day to its fullest?
Margot: Catherine was struck by lightning while sitting at the top of a Ferris wheel. It made me think I should stay the hell away from carnivals.
Tate: Well, it made me think about a lot more than that. It made me think that I haven't made enough of this life I've been given. That I've frittered it away.
Margot: Frittered?
Tate: Frittered.
Margot: Like in a donut? That kind of frittered?
Tate: You know what I mean. I've squandered my life. It's been a life misspent.
Margot: Oh, what are you talking about? You've made a wonderful life for yourself. You've got a good man. Two beautiful children.
Tate: I've got three children.
Margot: I said beautiful. I'm kidding! I'm trying to lighten the mood here.
Tate: That's not funny.
Margot: I'm sorry.
Tate: That is not in the least bit funny, Margot.
Margot: I'm sorry. Tate, you're too young to have frittered away your life yet. You don't look back on a frittered away life until you're in your sixties.
Tate: Which one is it?
Margot: Which one is what?
Tate: The child that isn't beautiful. It's Nigel isn't it? Is it Nigel?
Margot: It's not Nigel.
Tate: We tried to have that lazy eye corrected. My God, he wore an eye patch until he was two. It was like breast feeding Rooster Cogburn.
Margot: Tate, I was joking. Nigel is beautiful. They're all beautiful.
Tate: Do you mean that?
Margot: Yes.
Tate: You really mean that?
Margot: Yes. That lazy eye is adorable. Keeps people guessing. 'Is he looking at me?'
(Connie enters with her clubs on a pull cart.)
Connie: That is one cute little piece of manhood. I'll tell you that for nothin'. Yes, ma'am, I'd give him a tumble.
Tate: He's half your age.
Connie: Then I'll give him two tumbles.
Tate: Connie, can I ask you something?
Connie: Sure.
Tate: What do you think of my kids?
Connie: What about your kids?
Margot: I said something as a joke and Tate took it the wrong way.
Connie: Oh, Tate, you can't take anything Margot says seriously. She's jaded. You've got two beautiful kids and Nigel. Be happy.
Copyright 2014 Norm Foster

 

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