"An effective contemporary comedy." --London Free Press

 
Melodee Findlay and Mary Long in the Victoria Playhouse production of Looking. 2005


 

Looking is the story of four middle-aged singles who are seeking relationships. They meet on a blind date and the play follows their progress through the following weeks.

 

In the play's first scene, Andy and Matt discuss their viewpoints on relationships.
 
Andy: I'm running out of ideas, Matt. I mean, if you go to a bar to look for women, then everybody there knows you're looking. You feel conspicuous.
Matt: So, you want to find a place where nobody expects you to be looking for women.
Andy: Right.
Matt: Funeral home.
Andy: What?
Matt: A funeral home. Crash a funeral and then tag along for the wake.
Andy: Are you out of your mind?
Matt: No, I'm serious. There's always women around because they want to comfort the bereaved. They're dressed in black which is a slimming tone. And there's food.
Andy: I'm not crashing a stranger's funeral. How insensitive do you think I am? I mean, if somebody dies that I know then great, I'm there. (He stretches some more and sings the first line of Your Song by Elton John.) 'It's a little bit funny, dada-dada-dee-dee'.
Matt: How about a cruise?
Andy: You mean on a ship?
Matt: No, in a Volkswagen. Yes, on a ship. They have cruises for singles. And I hear they're just like these huge floating orgies. People are falling overboard having sex.
Andy: Is that all you think I want? Sex?
Matt: You mean it's not?
Andy: I want a relationship with a woman. I want something with a solid foundation. I'm not just looking for sex. I can get sex anytime I want it.
Matt: Really?
Andy: No. God, at my age, are you kidding? It's a young man's world out there, Matt. I feel like it's passing me by. I mean, I look in the mirror these days and I see my father. It's frightening.
Matt: Why? Was he an ugly man?
Andy: No, he was quite handsome in fact. That's not the point. The point is, I'm aging and I don't like it. Aren't you going to warm up?
Matt: No, I might pull something. You know, Andy, some of these cruises stop at topless beaches.
Andy: Would you forget the cruises? I'm not going on a cruise. Besides, they cost too much.
Matt: Yeah, but they're all-inclusive.
Andy: All-inclusive. There's the biggest rip-off since earth shoes. I couldn't drink enough liquor in a month to justify a week of all-inclusive.
Matt: They have food too.
Andy: It still costs too much.
Matt: My God, you're cheap.
Andy: I'm careful with my money. Careful. There's a big difference. Topless beaches. Why would you want to go to a topless beach?
Matt: Why? Why do you think?
Andy: To see topless women? No, a man should have to work to see a woman's breasts. It should be a reward. They shouldn't just be thrust out there indiscriminately. You shouldn't be able to view them like you were strolling through a cabbage patch. (He sings the first line of 'Last train To Clarksville' by the Monkees.) 'Take the last train to Clarksville, da da da da da da dee dee'. Maybe I should put an ad in the personals.
Matt: What?
Andy: The personals. The newspaper.
Matt: Andy, you're not serious.
Andy: What's wrong with that?
Matt: The personal ads?
Andy: Why not?
Matt: I thought you said you didn't want people to know you're looking.
Andy: This is different. It's anonymous. There's no name attached. You put the ad in, sign your initials and the woman calls you.
Matt: And what would you say in this ad?
Andy: Uh, well, single white male, late forties..
Matt: Early fifties.
Andy: Successful businessman.
Matt: Struggling financially.
Andy: Plays tennis.
Matt: Sucks at tennis.
Andy: Looking for a woman to share my life with.
Matt: Your life?
Andy: Some time?
Matt: A night.
Andy: No, that's not what I'm looking for. I told you I want more than that.
Matt: Well, not me. A relationship is too much work. I think I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Having lots of casual sex with women I barely know.
Andy: When was the last time you had it?
Matt: Bout' a year.
Andy: Was it good?
Matt: It was too good.
Andy: Too good? How can it be too good?
Matt: Well, it wasn't normal. I thought 'skills like this can only come from years of professional training'. It was very unsettling……I should call her.
Andy: (He sings the first line of American Woman by The Guess Who.) 'American Woman', dada da da dee dee.'
Matt: You know that's a very annoying habit you have there.
Andy: What is?
Matt: You sing the first line of a song and you da da dee the rest of it.
Andy: Well, I only know the first line.
Matt: It's American Woman! American woman, stay away from me. American Woman, mama let me be.
Andy: Really? I never knew that.
Matt: How can you not know that? It's a classic.
Andy: Oh yeah, that's easy for you to say. You're a disc jockey.
Matt: I'm not a disc jockey. I'm a broadcaster.
Andy: What's the difference?
Matt: A disc jockey just plays music. A broadcaster has a personality. He communicates ideas.
Andy: Oh. (He sings.) 'American woman, stay away from me.'
Matt: Have you got balls?
Andy: (He sings the next line with more balls.) 'American woman, mama let me be.'
Matt: No, tennis balls. Have you got tennis balls?
Andy: Oh. No, I didn't bring any.
Matt: Well, neither did I.
Andy: So, what are we gonna do?
Matt: Well, we'll have to go in and buy some, won't we?
Andy: How much are they?
Matt: They're five dol….my God.
Andy: What?
Matt: I just realized something. In all the years we've been playing tennis, you've never bought tennis balls.
Andy: Well, you've always got some.
Matt:

I can't believe this. You've never bought a can of tennis balls.

Andy: So what?
Matt: In six years of tennis, not one can of balls. That is unbelievable.
Andy: All right, so I'll buy this one.
Matt: No, no. No, a record like that should not be broken. It's like DiMaggio's hitting streak. It should go on forever.
Andy: Matt, I'll buy the balls.
Matt: No, I don't want you to. I want this record to stand. I want to be able to tell people that I play tennis with the cheapest son of a bitch who ever lived.
copyright 2005 Norm Foster