"A winner! First class entertainment." - London Free Press

David Fox as Ned in the Grand Theatre production of Ned Durango Comes to Big Oak. 1994. Photo by Robert C. Ragsdale.

  ACT I SCENE ONE
   
  Time: The Present. May.
  Place: Millie's Cabin, a small restaurant owned and operated by Tom Shaw.
   
  The entrance to the restaurant is S.R.. U.C. is a lunch counter with four or five stools. Behind the counter are all of the usual accouterments of a restaurant. Coffee pots, glasses, cups, menu on the wall, etc.. Also behind the counter is a swinging door which leads to the kitchen. There are a few restaurant tables spread around the rest of the area. U.L. is a door which leads to the washrooms. S.L. is a door which leads upstairs to where Tom Shaw lives. On the wall next to the door is a telephone. Inside the front door S.R. is a coat rack. On the front door R. is an Open/Closed sign which is turned around so that the Open side is seen from inside the restaurant. On one wall of the restaurant hangs an autographed Gump Worsely goalie stick.
   
  AS THE SCENE OPENS TOM SHAW STANDS S.L.. HE IS TALKING ON THE PHONE.
   
TOM: Come on, Larry, give me a break, man. I'll pay you as soon as I can, you know that......I know I haven't paid you for last month yet, but it's been slow. But, hey, we're heading into tourist season now and things are gonna pick up.....Absolutely...Come on, Larry, how the hell am I gonna run a restaurant with no fresh produce?.....I can't get it somewhere else. I haven't got the money. I was counting on you to extend a little courtesy to a long-time customer huh?.....Come on, man.....All right, look All right. You know, that Gump Worsely goalie stick I've got?...I'll let you keep it until I get caught up.....A month maybe, and if I don't pay up in a month, the stick's yours.....Yeah, the Gumper really used it, whadya mean? I scored my first NHL goal against him while he was using it.....Yes, my only one, you prick, now come on, what d'ya say? Is it a deal?.....All right. But, hey I want it back as soon as I pay up, right?...Right?...All right. So, you'll deliver when?...Tomorrow?...Good. Good, yeah, thanks, Larry. We'll see you. (HE HANGS UP.) Thanks for nothin'.
(CATHERINE WINGER ENTERS. SHE IS A WOMAN IN HER MID-THIRTIES. SHE WEARS BUSINESS DRESS.)
CATHERINE: Morning, Tom.
TOM: Sorry, Catherine. It's only seven o'clock. We're not open yet.
CATHERINE: The door's open.
TOM: The sign says closed.
CATHERINE: Well, it wasn't locked.
TOM: The sign doesn't say locked. It says closed. I know it may sound crazy, but when the sign says closed, and the door is closed, I'm closed.
CATHERINE: Well, you should lock it too so people would know.
TOM: People do know. You're the only one who doesn't know, Catherine. And if you must know, I left it unlocked for Orson, okay? So, if you want breakfast, come back in about a half an hour.
CATHERINE: I don't want breakfast. I'm here on city business. (SHE TAKES OFF HER COAT AND HANGS IT UP.)
TOM: Oh, an official visit. Well, Your Worship, I don't open for business of any kind for another half hour.
CATHERINE: No, I think you'll be open for this business, Tom. Could I have a coffee please?
TOM: Catherine?
CATHERINE: Well, it's ready, isn't it?
TOM: Jesus, you're a stubborn woman.
CATHERINE: Thank you.
TOM: So, what are you doing out so early? (HE POURS CATHERINE A COFFEE.)
CATHERINE: I'm on my way to my menopause support group meeting.
TOM: Menopause? You?
CATHERINE: Oh, God, no. Not me. But, Lorraine Osterman is going through it.
TOM: The artist?
CATHERINE: Right, poor thing, and I understand she gives paintings to her close friends, so I thought if she thought we were going through the change together, well, how much closer can you get? But, God, I don't know why they meet first thing in the morning. I mean, these women are cranky enough without making them get up an hour earlier. You know, she asked me to pose nude in my office.
TOM: What? Who did?
CATHERINE: Lorraine Osterman.
TOM: Pose nude? For a painting?
CATHERINE: Yes.
TOM: So, are you gonna do it?
CATHERINE: I'm thinking about it.
TOM: Catherine, I'm shocked. And titillated.
CATHERINE: Well, what the hell? You only live once.
TOM: Well, you know, some people might not like the idea of naked women frolicking in the mayor's office.
CATHERINE: We wouldn't be frolicking. Just sitting. And we wouldn't be naked. Just me.
TOM: Well, if you do start to frolic, call me.
   
  copyright 1993 Norm Foster

 

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