"Really quite stunning!" -- Kitchener-Waterloo Record

Clockwise from bottom L. Sam Owen, Donald Mitchell, Steven Guy-McGrath, Ralph Small, , Stephanie Belding, Lisa Atkinson, Heather McQuigan, and Leisa Way in Theatre On The Grand's production of Race Day. 2002. Photo by Dave Carter

Race Day, a musical co-written with Steve Thomas, is the story of eight characters looking for fulfillment at a thoroughbred horse racing track. In the following scene, we are introduced to Chaz and Gerard and we discover their mission on this day.
Chaz: Okay, Gerard, this is the place. The Clubhouse Lounge. This will be our base of operations.
Gerard: Iím still not sure about this, Chaz.
Chaz: Are you kiddiní me? Whatís not to be sure about? Itís practically foolproof.
Gerard: Yes, practically foolproof, but not completely foolproof.
Chaz: Gerard, trust me, even you couldnít mess this up.
Gerard: I wish I could believe that.
Chaz: Listen, nothing is going to go wrong. Itís simple. You leave here, you go into the washroom by the escalator. You reverse your jacket, you put on the sunglasses. You go to the betting window at the far end. You show her the gun, you ask for the money. You go back to the washroom. You throw away the sunglasses and reverse the jacket again. You walk calmly back in here and sit down.
Gerard: Are you sure the sunglasses and reversible jacket is disguise enough?
Chaz: Of course they are. Theyíre going to be looking for the guy in the wild jacket and the sunglasses. And where will you be? Youíll be sitting here in the bland windbreaker with no glasses. Plus theyíll be looking for one guy. Weíll be two guys.
Gerard: Okay, one more thought I have on the subject.
Chaz: What's that?
Gerard: Why me?
Chaz: What?
Gerard: Why me? Why am I the hold-up guy? Why not you?
Chaz: Why not me? Gerard, whose idea was this?
Gerard: It was your idea.
Chaz: Who thought of the disguise?
Gerard: You did.
Chaz: Who told you where you could purchase the firearm?
Gerard: You did.
Chaz: And now you want me to be the holdup guy too? Dear God, havenít I done enough?
Gerard: Itís just that Iíve never pulled an armed robbery before. Iím a second story man. Small time break-ins, you know?
Chaz: Yeah, well itís about time you moved up to the next level. Thatís what progress is all about, Gerard. Thatís what this country was built on. On people wanting to advance themselves. Are you saying those people were wrong?
Gerard: No.
Chaz: I should hope not. Now, itís still about a half an hour to the first race. You should go when thereís about five minutes left. Theyíll have more money then.
Gerard: All right, but this whole idea still doesnít sound kosher to me.
Chaz: Doesn't sound kosher?
Gerard: Yeah. I mean if the plan is farshtunken, then Iím the one who winds up looking like a chamoole.
Chaz: What?
Gerard: What?
Chaz: What did you just say?
Gerard: I said if the plan is farshtunkenóif it stinksóthen Iím the one who winds up looking like a chamooleóa jackass.
Chaz: What the hell kind of language is that?
Gerard: It's Jewish.
Chaz: Jewish?
Gerard: Yeah.
Chaz: So, what are you, Jewish now?
Gerard: No.
Chaz: Are you a member of the Jewish faith?
Gerard: No.
Chaz: So, why are you talking like that?
Gerard: Well, I was going to explain that you.
Chaz: Explain what?
(Nevada enters S.R.. She is a good-looking woman dressed very well. She is carrying a racing form as she moves across the stage and looks up as if checking the odds on a monitor.)
Gerard: Well, the thing is, Chaz.....
Chaz: Oh, man, look at that. (To Nevada.) Hey sweetheart?
  (Nevada hears Chaz, but she doesnít acknowledge him.)
  Hey honey. Hey toots. Hey baby. Hey jamcakes.
(Nevada exits to the paddock area.)
  I guess she didnít hear me.
Gerard: Chaz, I got something to tell you.
Chaz: Yeah? What?
Gerard: This is going to be my last job.
Chaz: It's what?
Gerard: Iím getting out, Chaz. This is it.
Chaz: What do you mean youíre getting out?
Gerard: Iím going straight. Iím calling it quits.
Chaz: Okay wait a minute, wait a minute. Youíre breaking up the partnership? Youíre throwing away everything weíve built up over time? The closeness, the trust?
Gerard: Weíve known each other for two weeks.
Chaz: But, weíve learned so much about each other in those two weeks. I feel like I know you like a brother.
Gerard: Chaz, Iím going to ask Leah to marry me.
Chaz: Who's Leah?
Gerard: My girlfriend.
Chaz: You've got a girlfriend??

Copyright 2002 Norm Foster


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